This week someone wrote to Carolyn Hax, Washington Post advice columnist, that when she and her siblings had to quickly move their parents into assisted living, Letter Writer and her parents decided that it made most sense for the parents’ furniture to be saved for her sister’s children to use when they moved away from home.  Sister seemed to go along with this during the hurried move.  Several years later (yes, several), Letter Writer wanted to look at the stuff in storage.  Oops.  Sister confessed that had taken a carload of stuff home and had the rest hauled to the dump.  Letter Writer felt betrayed.  Letter Writer did not seem upset that she didn’t get the stuff but that Sister deprived her own children of useful furniture.

Carolyn and the commenters were largely unsympathetic. They argued:

Storage is expensive.  I’ve told clients this for years.  You end up re-buying your stuff over and over again – stuff that you don’t use now and may never use again.  If you pay $150 per month for storage, that’s $1800 per year – and $9,000 for 5 years.  Furniture doesn’t hold up very well in storage unless the facility is climate controlled – which is even more expensive.

The grandkids won’t want their grandparents’ furniture and other junk when they are twenty-something and move into their first, probably tiny apartment.  Older furniture is usually bulky and not currently in style. After a few years in storage, it will likely be dirty (if it wasn’t when put in storage) and old.

Charity stores wouldn’t want the furniture and junk either.  I don’t think this is true.  A few charities in Austin will come pick up furniture.  But someone has to arrange for pick up and hang around on the date the charity can come, which could be weeks away.  But, Carolyn and commentators commented, if Letter Writer wanted to pursue this option, then she should have taken responsibility for contacting charities and making arrangements.

I have to point out that the commentators are clearly all financially comfortable and probably always have been.  My current dining table was in my brother’s garage for several years.  I used to be an artist and wanted a table I could scratch and bang up – and was free!  I have several other pieces of furniture I obtained in used condition.  I’ve inherited several printers from my mother over the years – she is apparently an early adapter who frequently upgrades; I am an adapter-only-when-forced.  And there is no such thing as an unwanted bookcase in my family.  So someone might want your used furniture.  But maybe no one in the family will.  I am not under the illusion anyone in my family will want any of my very used stuff – except maybe the bookcases.

So what are my take-aways from the responses to the letter?

1. Yes, it hurts to think that the furniture and other items you or your parents collected over a lifetime will all end up at the dump someday. But that may be your reality.
2. Downsize early.  Help your parents downsize early so there is no rush to get rid of stuff when they need to move into assisted living or when they die. Downsize yourself so you can rehome or donate the things you think are not dump-worthy.  My brother recently downsized and sold thirteen kayaks over several weeks.  No one else would have been able or willing to meet with so many potential buyers, but he enjoyed discussing where each planned to use them and giving them helpful hints.
3. Don’t lie or mislead. If don’t want to store items for your kids or anyone else, say: “I’m not paying to store this furniture.  My kids won’t want it.  If you want to store it, then you need to rent a facility, hire movers and pay for the storage.”  If they try to convince you, “No.  End of conversation.”  Letter Writer would then write to Carolyn Hax that her family was dumping all of the responsibility onto her, but that’s a topic for another blog.  Sister may have objected to storing things and then been pressured to go along with the plan Letter Writer and Parents had worked out – without her input.  But in the end, Sister deliberately misled Letter Writer and denied her the option of saving a few more of her parents’ belongings.
4. Don’t dump responsibility onto other people. Don’t decide for someone else what they should keep.  Don’t pressure them to keep stuff they don’t want just because they live closer or have a bigger house.  If you do dump responsibility onto other people, don’t get upset when they don’t do what you thought they should do.
5. If you don’t want something but care what happens to it, say so and make it clear you will take responsibility for re-homing items that no one wants. And act quickly so others know it is taken care of.  Don’t complain that others aren’t helping you.
6. Don’t expect other people to store things indefinitely without expecting to contribute to the cost.
7. If you decide to store things, try to look at them objectively. If you aren’t using them now, are you – or your kids – really likely to use them in the future?  Is the furniture worn or a bit shabby looking after years of use?  It will only look worse after a few years in storage.
8. Let it go! It’s not like Sister had their parents hauled to the dump (topic for another blog?) – it was just some old furniture.